party-pooperism

Welcome to the party!

We are so glad you’re here. Well, that’s not really true. Most of us are completely indifferent to you being here. But here you are, so we need to inform you of a few rules relating to your arrival and departure.

On the subject of your arrival, we ask two things:

One, that you do not ask why you are here. None of us has any clue, and it’s something you’ll have to sort out for yourself.

Two, that you direct any anger you have about ending up here without your consent inward. It’s considered quite gauche to blame those who are actually directly responsible. Depending on your age, you may feel compelled to cut those two individuals more or less slack. The younger you are, the more understandable your rage. But again—keep it to yourself.

Now to the subject of your departure.

It is imperative that you only leave the party in the company of an escort. We cannot stress this strongly enough. You must not leave the party until someone comes to fetch you. Under no circumstances are you to leave the party of your own volition. We understand that at some point, you may grow tired of the party and wish to go. Indeed, there may be reasons for which you are desperate to leave. However, it is absolutely, positively forbidden for you to depart before your escort arrives.

And should you do so, know that you will be forever regarded with pity at best and contempt at worst. Please listen carefully, for this is very important: no matter how happily you make your exit, no matter if you are veritably dancing as you head out the door, full to the brim of wonderful memories and experiences but just, well, partied out—you will be forever seen as a tragic figure. However much joy and radical acceptance you leave with, we will not celebrate your attendance. We will cluck our tongues and shake our heads and think only of your departure.

Is that understood? Good. There’s more.

We also ask that if thoughts about leaving the party creep in, you do NOT share them with the beloved, trusted individuals in your life (i.e., your friends and family). IF you are experiencing Departure Desire, you may ONLY speak to a complete stranger about it, and you must be prepared to pay money for that conversation (or, series of conversations). It is seen as a most heinous breach of decorum to disturb your loved ones with any hint of Departure Desire. Indeed, it is thought downright cruel to expect anyone without an advanced degree in party-pooperism to so much as listen to such thoughts.

Now for the most crucial point. If, despite all these admonitions, you’ve decided to leave the party on your own, you must—ABSOLUTELY MUST—do so without informing anyone. You must make, as they say, an “Irish exit.” Do not say goodbye to a soul, no matter how deeply you love them. To have a farewell forced on us by another partygoer is the most excruciating thing we can experience, and you must not put any of us through it. Again—these rules apply no matter how in command of your faculties you are, no matter how long you have been planning to leave, and no matter what precautions you take against disrupting the scene.

It’s a party, after all. We are trying to have fun.


bandaged

I got a pedicure today. As the nail technician was filling the bath, she tapped my foot and asked, “Okay if I take?”

I looked down in horror to see a Band-Aid I’d completely forgotten about, clinging determinedly to my second toe. I’d sliced my foot open on my own door the day before, rushing to meet a grocery delivery driver and tripping on the ridiculous, too-large folding cart I fight with each time.

“Oh god, yes, of course. I’m so sorry about that.” Carefully, she peeled off the fraying brown plastic, revealing a small but nasty gash she would have been well within her rights to refuse to touch. She held up the bandage, and without an ounce of revulsion or judgment asked if I wanted to keep it.

“No, no! Gosh, no. Thank you. Thank you so much,” I gushed, mortified that her interaction with my medical detritus was still ongoing.

She threw it away and the pedicure continued. I was glued to my phone all the while, and when I finally looked up to make sure I’d given her my polish, I saw that she’d applied a fresh bandage to my toe.

I nearly lost my breath.

I hadn’t felt it. She hadn’t asked if I wanted one, or announced that she was going to give me one. She’d just quietly, kindly attended to my still-tender wound. I’d come to her a bit bloodier and more torn up than really is appropriate for a setting where scrubs are not involved. And she’d just navigated around my hurt so gently I’d not even noticed her leaving it in better shape than she’d found it.

If that’s not a philosophy of life, I don’t know what is.


Bank of Karma

The news that you’d ruined your life came to me by telegram.

MONUMENTAL MISTAKE. POINT OF NO RETURN. HOPING FOR BEST.

At first I didn’t believe it. I ran to the telegraph office, bursting breathless through the double doors.

“This can’t be right,” I panted to the operator. She took the slip of paper, peered through her bifocals, and checked her notes.

“Cable authentic stop,” she said. “Message accurate stop.”

“Are you absolutely sure?” I gasped. “Because never in the history of history was there a human more wildly unsuited to—”

She raised a hand to silence me, then pointed over my shoulder. I turned and walked across the street and through another set of doors. A prim man in tweed was dusting cabinets.

“Welcome to the Hall of Records. How may I help you?”

I held up the announcement. “Can you confirm an ID?”

Drawers slid open. Files were shuffled. Document after document, the man set the evidence down beneath my gaze. “Exhibit A, names. Exhibit B, residences. Exhibits C & D, photos and profiles.” He looked at me expectantly.

“Thank you,” I said shakily. “That’s what I needed.”

Back outside, Spring was still new—still cool and clean. I sat on a park bench and closed my eyes, smelling rain. I thought about you then, with a sense of judgment I had never allowed myself—which had never felt necessary.

I thought about your lies, and your sneering callousness when I asked for truth. I thought about your needless cruelty, and the pleasure you took in ruining things for me. The subtle put-downs and sabotage. I realized that you probably thought I was too dumb to see all of it, because I let it slide again and again. I wasn’t dumb. I was just giving you an addict’s grace that you never deserved.

I thought about the brutal wave of reality about to drown you. About all the things in you that are about to get squeezed harder and and harder until there is no air for them to breathe, and they die. I thought about your bone-deep selfishness, and your recklessness about the feelings of others. I felt sick thinking of the tears and trauma you are assuredly going to cause.

I thought about the pain you’ve created, and the pain that’s coming for you.

At last I stood and walked through one more door.

“Hello,” I greeted the teller who looked up. I waved the telegram. “I’m here to cash a check.”


tiger, tiger

Tiger, tiger
Show your stripes
Some get pats
And some get swipes

Monday, Tuesday
Bare your claws
Wednesday, Thursday
Hide your flaws

Friday comes
and shows the truth
You don’t have
a single tooth

Tiger, tiger
We all see
To save your skin
You bend the knee


good boy. no, the other good boy.

“9-1-1, what is your emergency?”

“Uh yeah, hi, I just watched the wrong Good Boy.”

“Ma’am, I’m sorry, would you repeat that?”

“I just watched the wrong Good Boy. I meant to watch the 2025 American horror film that everyone has been talking about, but I accidentally watched the 2023 Norwegian horror film of the same name. I wouldn’t even call it a horror movie, to be honest. I mean maybe. I’m definitely horrified, which is why I called. But the Amazon Prime tagline said ‘supernatural horror’ and since I’ve been purposely avoiding any discussion of the American film I had no idea what to expect. It looked like a newish release so I just figured, ‘Oh shit it’s Norwegian? Okay, cool, whatever.’”

“…..”

“Are you still there?”

“…yes.”

“Okay good, because I am traumatized and I need to speak to someone about what I just saw. What is your name?”

“Ma’am, this is an emergency services line. Do you have an actual emergency?”

(muffled reply)

”Ma’am! I said, DO YOU HAVE AN EMERGENCY?”

“Sorry, I stepped away for a sec. I’ve got you on speaker. Just need to grab you some screenshots. Can I text to this number?”

(deep sigh) “Okay, ma’am, I can tell you’re having some kind of episode, so I’ll make this my good deed for the week and hear you out. You have five minutes.”

(from a distance) “JUST GIVE ME TWO SECONDS, THERE’S ONE SHOT IN PARTICULAR I NEED TO OFFLOAD FROM MY BRAIN TO YOURS…JUST GOTTA FAST FORWARD TO FIND IT…”

“What did you say this movie was about?”

“The one I watched? It’s about a psychopath who forces some guy to live in his house and pretend to be a dog, and then the psychopath meets a girl on Tinder, and—look there is no justifying the existence of this film, in this life or next. And no words I say to you will return to me the earthly time I sacrificed, so—what did you say your name was again?”

“Well, did you try Reddit? It’s Leila.”

(from a distance) “WHAT WAS THAT?”

“I said, MY NAME IS LEILA AND DID YOU TRY REDDIT? Surely someone on the horror subreddit did the same stupid shit. Can’t you, like, commiserate with them?”

“Great minds think alike, Leila, as that was the first place I went. It would appear not, however. It would appear I am the only dumbass on the planet who sat through the entirety of this monstrosity without once stopping to question if I was in the right filmic universe. Did you say I could send photos to this number?”

“You can, yes, but we only use it for actual emergen—”

(far away) ”OKAY GREAT JUST GRABBING ONE MORE SHOT REAL QUICK HERE…UGH, ANOTHER COMMERCIAL, SO SORRY, ALMOST DONE…”

“Didn’t you say you watched it on Amazon Prime?”

“YEAH WHY?”

“Isn’t ad-free, like, only two bucks a month?”

“…."

“Ma’am? You still there?”

“I’m trying to cut back on screens, okay? I thought if I forced myself to leave ads on I’d watch less and write more—look it’s not important—MAN, TAGRISSO’S SIDE EFFECTS SOUND REALLY BAD, I THINK AT THAT POINT I’D JUST RATHER—OH OH! THERE IT IS! HOLD ON JUST GOTTA SEND YOU THESE…”

(sigh) “Listen ma’am, I’m gonna go ahead and disconnect, but you can call us back next time you have a real—WHAT IN THE GOOD GODDAMN—”

“Did you get it? Yeah sorry, I figured I’d start with the worst one. That’s where the psychopath spanks the bare ass of the human-dog for trying to warn the girlfriend about him. It’s right after he beats his cage with a bat and makes him bark. Do you see that ass? That’s a grown man’s ass, Leila. A very hairy grown man. I invested an hour and a half of my life into what I believed was the thought-provoking, must-see horror movie of winter 2025 only to come away with that seared into my mind’s eye.”

“Okay lady I’m hanging up, but—OH MY GOD WHAT THE—”

“Yeah in that next one you can really see the full body costume. The character just walks around on his knees in that dog suit the whole time. At first it’s absurdist and kind of hilarious, especially the first time he shoves his hood back to scream-whisper a warning at the girl. But then the only horror is dread, because you realize ‘Oh yay, this is going to be more gratuitous violence against women. Feel like I haven’t seen that in ages’, and then yep, sure enough, violence against a woman. Nothing supernatural or particularly creative other than the weird premise I guess, but again, I can’t tell you how UTTERLY FUCKING STUPID and ROBBED OF TIME I felt when I realized I’d plum watched the wrong Good Dog.

(dead line)

“Leila? Leila, are you there? I took a video. Leila…?


creation story

The first of the Knowable Things were Grass below and Sky above. In the beginning, Sky could touch Grass but not see her, for color had yet to be born. Then one day, Sky pressed so hard on Grass that millions of blades pierced his belly, and Color came gushing out.

Color saw that she was going to flood the world, so she sent her two favorite children, Green and Blue, to become the souls of Grass and Sky. The rest of her children then had enough room to run and play and fill in everything else.

Green was soft and safe. It was laughter and secrets and laying flat on your back. Blue was calm and quiet. It was learning to be curious and listening with widened eyes.

Grass wanted a companion closer than Sky, so she rubbed two blades together until they hummed and sparked—so was born Dragonfly. Dragonfly ruled Grass, but he had no throne on which to sit, so he flew up to Sky and pinched him over and over until Cloud formed. Dragonfly pinched Cloud until little bits of fluff started to rain down. One bit of fluff landed on Yellow, and that became Dandelion, whose seeds became Wishes and Dreams. When Dragonfly flew, the flashing of his wings became Magic and Mystery.

So came to be Yard, the foundation of safety and love, wonder and delight.

- - -

Yard was the great father. He stretched out his arms and legs, and these became the tree branches and roots that encircled and protected Grass and Dandelion and Dragonfly.

Beyond Yard was The Unknowable, where time stretched and shrank and then stretched again. The Unknowable tied itself in knots, and the knots stretched and shrank and stretched again until they broke off and became The Outcomes.

The Outcomes were violent and hungry. They floated close along the edge of Yard, wanting to devour all he contained.

Yard said to The Unknowable, “Let us make an agreement. I will offer you a sacrifice if you’ll leave Grass and Dandelion and Dragonfly alone forever.” The Unknowable agreed to the terms.

Yard said to Dandelion, “Lend me your children, Wishes and Dreams. I must send them on a journey.” But Yard would not say where or why, so Dandelion said, “Then you must also send Magic and Mystery to protect them.”

Cloud came down and Yard whispered to him. Yard then whispered to Wishes and Dreams, and then to Magic and Mystery. Cloud carried all four spirits up and away, far from Yard and deep into The Unknowable. When they reached a great, cold island, they jumped down into the heart of a woman and the mind of a man. Wishes and Dreams and Magic and Mystery spun themselves around and around until the mind of the man and the heart of the woman knit together and became a bluejay.

The bluejay flew up into Sky, who guided it through the Unknowable until it reached Yard. Dragonfly flew up to meet the bluejay, who was so tired, she could fly no more. The bluejay fell through Sky and Cloud, neither of whom could catch her. Dragonfly swooped down and caught the bluejay and set her gently on Grass.

The bluejay, who had sprung forth from the mind of a man and the heart of a woman, with Wishes and Dreams and Magic and Mystery to tie them together, then became Girl.

Yard said, “Girl, we must sacrifice you to The Unknowable to protect Grass and Dandelion and Dragonfly. We must feed you to The Outcomes.”

Girl said, “If you wait until I am grown, I will have knowledge to feed The Unknowable. If you wait until I am grown, I will be fat with potential for The Outcomes.”

Yard agreed to keep Girl safe until she was grown. Girl lay down on Grass and looked up at Sky. Dragonfly buzzed and Dandelion danced. Girl felt Green beneath her and stretched her hands up to touch Blue.

Girl sighed, and the breath that escaped her became Story.


igloo

For Ann, who shook something loose.


Someone has been building an igloo, in the field beside my building. I watched him from the warmth of my sofa for a little while, the day he started. The field is situated between two high-rises, and it was mid-morning on a Saturday. I have to imagine there were at least a few others like me, who’d gone to their windows to check the weather, then stayed there to watch the scene unfolding below.

Shuffling around on his knees, he gathered snow by the armful and packed it into a black plastic wastebasket, which he then flipped and carefully flexed the sides of, until a smooth, white block appeared. His placement was impeccable: once deposited, none of the bricks needed adjusting. Experienced architect or geometry genius, he knew what he was doing.

I’ve caught the sight of him working at it twice more. Once, I watched as a woman walked her dachshund over to the construction site. I was terrified the dog was going to piss on the igloo, but it just sniffed around a little bit. The woman and the builder (who didn’t stand up) had an animated exchange. Laughter, big hand gestures. She was no doubt complimenting his work—maybe his work ethic, too. It’s been about a week, and I’d estimate it’s less than halfway done. I had no idea igloos were so labor intensive.

The problem is, it’s getting warm. Tomorrow is the last day it’ll be below freezing. If he doesn’t finish it quickly, there’ll be nothing but a circle of slush to prove he’d ever tried. I don’t think it’s going to happen.

And I want so badly to tell him it’s okay. I want so badly to leave a note that says, “This was delightful to see, if only for a few days. Thank you for creating something charming in our backyard.” But snow doesn’t make for a very good bulletin board, and I’m probably projecting, anyway.

Most people like when the sun comes out.


Loyal and Neutral

Loyal and Neutral are playing musical chairs along with Angry, Stupid, Selfish, and Mean. (Kind & Giving were playing, too, but naturally they were the first two out.)

The music stops and the scrambling starts. Stupid gets hit with an unseen elbow and calls out, “Ow! That was mean!”

Mean snaps back, “Wasn’t me, but I wish it was!” Selfish tries to straddle two chairs at once and is disqualified.

The music starts again: more jabs and jostling, and this time, Loyal takes an elbow from Angry, who gets a high five from Mean, who gets a meaningful look from Loyal, all of whom are watched impassively by Neutral.

By the time the music ends, Stupid has forgotten the rules and freezes in place. “Not it!” he cries. “Simon says ‘not it!’” Stupid is eliminated from the game.

It’s down to Angry, Mean, Loyal, and Neutral. The music runs for longer this time. The four players circle the chairs slowly, watching one another warily, ready to pounce.

When the music stops, a melee ensues as everyone dashes for a chair. Loyal finds herself between Neutral and Mean. If she goes for the chair to her left, Neutral will be closer to a seat. If she takes the one on the right, Mean will. Remembering the elbow jab and the high five, she drops into the left-hand chair. Neutral throws himself into the one beside it.

Mean pivots and lunges for the last chair, along with Angry. Angry, a fraction of a second faster, gets it. Mean fumes, his lip curling with spite. “You don’t deserve it, you know. I just let you have it.” He stalks off.

The music starts again. Loyal, Neutral, and Angry follow one another around and around and around. When it stops, Angry suddenly hooks his leg around the front of Loyal, tripping her and sending her tumbling. Loyal rolls over and looks up, wincing. The last two chairs are taken. Angry looks angry about it, somehow. But Neutral is placid, unbothered, mute.

Loyal gets to her feet, shaky and bruised. When the music starts one last time, Neutral and Angry stand up, ready to play on. But Loyal just limps off, not looking back.

”Where are you going?” calls Neutral. “The game’s not over!”

But Loyal doesn’t need to play anymore. She already knows who lost—and it wasn’t her.

Cordelia's Self-Evaluation

Middle class though I am, I cannot heave
Self-aggrandizement into my mouth. I love mine employment
According to my salary; no more nor less.
Good my supervisor,
You have hired me, onboarded me me, train’d me; I
Return my duties back as are right fit,
Obey you, support you, and most respect you.
Why have my colleagues work-life balance, if they say
They love you all? Haply, when I shall retire,
That shareholder whose value must make my payout shall carry
Half my IRA with him, half my care and duty.
Sure I shall never strive like my coworkers,
To love my manager all.

The Bouncer is Bored

The bouncer is bored. Oh my god, the bouncer is so fucking bored. And here you come along, and you’re anything but. You’re hyped. You’re jazzed. You’re buzzing with nervous, anticipatory energy. Well fuck you, because Jayson is working tonight, and he has no use for you or any of the other boots-’n-cats losers you’re in line with.

Did you think you were different? Oh god, you did, didn’t you? You thought that just because you’re not in a gaggle of screeching, miniskirt-tugging girls, that you’re any less contemptible? That because you’re quietly, attentively waiting with all your documentation ready, loathe to present even the slightest speed bump to the smooth, efficient entry line that Jayson is overseeing, that you’re an exception of some kind?

Look at him. Look at that ruddy beard, that Viking physique, those icy, appraising eyes. Does that look like a man who wants to discuss tonight’s coat check availability? Do you know how many work t-shirts Jayson has? (All of them are desperately unequal to the task of containing his arm meat.) He has seven. Seven. Jayson has worked here for two fucking years, despite the fact that this was only supposed to be a month-long gig while the other thing got sorted out. Two years of Saturday nights full of shivering, chattering idiots, and incessant, blaring beats pouring into the alley where he checks IDs.

You are all the same to him. And all the electricity you have been generating for the last hour is going to short-circuit the moment Jayson tells you that no, you can’t pay with a credit card. Your choices are

1) pay with cash (which you did not bring)

2) scan the QR code on the poster to pay online (only, you didn’t bring your phone, because you didn’t want to hold it while you dance)

3) use the ATM to take out cash with your credit card, because you did not bring your debit card (but you never set up a pin to take cash off your credit card, did you?)

And when it dawns on you that you are fucked, and that you’ll have to trek the 30 minutes back home to fetch the kind of legal tender this motherfucking bar will actually accept, and another 30 back in order to catch a performer you’ve seen half a dozen times already but would still really like to—Jayson will be impassive. He will be the very picture of apathy. Because nothing could be more boring than someone with whom he has nothing in common getting bounced by their own failure to plan, from a place that means so little to him, he won’t even keep their shirts when he quits.

Which will be soon. It fucking has to be.

Project 2025 Leak

Whoa, you guys. This is crazy. A phone number I don’t recognize just sent me this over Telegram?! It looks like some kind of leaked page from Project 2025, like an addendum maybe??

Goodwill, Grace, Grievance & Grudge

Goodwill and Grace were strolling along, enjoying the sunshine and each other’s company. They noticed another pair coming down the path towards them; it was Grievance and Grudge.

“Good day!” called Grace.

”How do you do!” echoed Goodwill.

But Grievance and Grudge just glared, twitchy with anger.

“Good?!” sneered Grievance.

”Good?!” jeered Grudge.

”What’s good about it?!” they barked in tandem.

Grievance pointed at the clear blue sky. “Just look at that cloud,” she said. “That monstrous, beastly, stupid, puffy cloud!”

Grudge nodded vigorously towards the same patch of empty sky. “Ruining everything, it is!”

Goodwill and Grace did not wish to be rude. But for the life of them both, they could not see even the wisp of a cloud on the horizon.

”Er,” said Goodwill, casting about for something kind but true to say. “Erm…”

Grace jumped in, ever ready with one of her soft landings. “Ah yes, of course. It rained yesterday, no? That must be the cloud you’re thinking of! Beastly indeed,” she agreed, smiling. “Quite glad it’s gone now.” Goodwill sighed with relief.

But Grievance and Grudge ignored Grace. They stood staring at the bright, cloudless blue another moment then stalked off, roughly bumping Goodwill as they did. (Goodwill said not a word.)

“Horrible, terrible cloud,” they heard Grudge mutter.

”Miserable, lousy thing,” Grievance growled.

And just as quickly as they’d come, so they were gone, forgettable and unimportant as the wispy remains of yesterday’s clouds. Goodwill and Grace shrugged and resumed their stroll, each thinking to herself how glad she was that this was her companion, and not another.

Danny's Doors to Nowhere

Danny builds doors to nowhere, right in the middle of the day. There you’ll be, setting one thought down and picking up the next, and boom. Danny has put a door smack in your way.

You’ll have no choice but to walk through it, because Danny is a master carpenter. He can take any old harmless question, encode it with secrets and promises and hidden potential, and blend it so seamlessly into your path that you’ll hardly sense the danger. You might vaguely wonder: why this, why now, why me. But Danny’s doors have a way of appearing when you’re already mid-stride. When you’re energized and full of life and joy. Sometimes I think that’s the point. Danny wants some of what he thinks you have too much of—what he has trouble finding on his own.

But Danny’s doors lead to nowhere, that you must never forget. You can do whatever you want, when Danny gives you a door. You can slip through as quiet as an unremembered dream. You can whisper, letting your fingertips linger on the frame, leaving bits of yourself for him to think about. You can dance through naked, daring him to watch. You can shrug off whatever brick of anger or sadness you were holding, because a doorway feels like the right place to let go.

It doesn’t matter. When you get to the other side of one of Danny’s doors, you’ll be alone. You’ll look back and see his blank face of non-intention. He was never going to go through himself.

Danny knows his doors lead to nowhere, and he’s comfortable right where he is.

The Invitation

The grooming parlor where Vig takes the Maltese puppy Vicki brought home—six weeks to the day after he discovered her affair—is walking distance from their downtown Los Angeles apartment. But at nearly five months old, Freyda has yet to feel LA’s sidewalks under her paws. She travels to her vet appointments, play dates, and Vicki’s boozy brunches in a front-facing backpack that seems to polarize the humans she meets. Some exclaim at its cuteness, gushing over Freyda and asking permission to “say hi to the baby.” Others look away quickly, seemingly embarrassed. Vig, whose earliest experience of dogs was the pack of strays that roamed Parco Saraceno in his youth, hates the backpack. He’d rather carry Freyda in his arms (he agrees with Vicki that the streets of DTLA are too filthy for her to walk on). But today, he has no choice. Today, he needs his hands free to carry the invitation.

Vig and Freyda earn a few double takes as they cross town. The immaculate, snow-white bundle is striking against his leathery neck and forearms. On especially hot days like this, Vig’s already florid face deepens to a purplish carmine, giving him the look of a root vegetable left roasting too long. His clothing has been carefully chosen to emphasize this mediterranean coloring, which he secretly believes makes him exotically handsome. Garment-dyed polo, light wash jeans, and the same sneakers his daughter’s boyfriend wears. “My style is Malibu boomer,” he likes to joke, flashing veneers as white as Freyda. At fifty-two, his vanity is like an increasingly bored wingman, yawning and tapping his watch pointedly. Vig, however, is not ready to leave that dance just yet.

He walks with one hand lightly resting on Freyda and the other holding the invitation carefully away from his overheated body. It’s a simple flyer Vicki printed from her computer: You’re Invited! Please join us for our (First annual??) Tarts and Vicars Penthouse Party. Dinner and drinks will be provided, duh, so come hungry and horny. Costumes encouraged demanded! Clip art of a Playboy bunny in silhouette is pasted clumsily besides a screenshot of Hugh Grant in Sirens. Vicki ordered her outfit the night they decided on the theme. It’s the first party they’ve planned since Vicki’s affair ended—the first since months of nightly fighting have tapered off into a wary truce, brokered unwittingly by Freyda. Love for the puppy pours out of Vig so abundantly that her little body cannot contain all of it; the excess soaks slowly into the porous fabric of their relationship.

Still, the humiliation rankles. Vig knows that Vicki is lying about not having told any of their friends. He dreads their eyes falling pityingly on him as they walk in the door. So he is on his way to rearrange the board a little bit. If he is successful, the distraction will be so complete that no pitying eyes will even notice him. If he is not, the mere attempt will communicate all that he needs to.

Vig straightens his shoulders, clears his throat, and steps into the pet supply shop that houses the grooming parlor. Freyda, immediately recognizing her surroundings, wiggles and whimpers to be let free. He sets her down on the polished concrete floor and the click-click-click! of her tiny nails is the only sound in the otherwise quiet shop. Realizing she must be in the back, Vig lingers out front, letting the air conditioning dry his sweaty forehead. He watches as Freyda happily explores, taking her scent inventory of other recent canine visitors. Vig suddenly has a terrible thought. He realizes he forgot to stop on the way over to let Freyda relieve herself. She almost certainly has to pee—or worse.

“Freyda,” he says in a low voice, striding toward her. “Freyda, come girl.” She ignores him, sniffing intensely. Vig freezes. He knows that sniff. He hesitates, afraid to risk lifting the puppy mid-stream and having her urinate on him. Before he can make any decision, Freyda makes one for them both. She squats, blinking innocently at Vig as a soundless trickle issues from beneath her.

“Fuck!” Flustered, Vig grabs for the puppy with both hands. The invitation, still in his right hand, falls partially into the pool of urine, wetting the bottom left corner. “Fuck, fuck, fuck!” Holding both at arms’ length, he carries Freyda and the wet paper back outside. A gust of hot wind lifts the invitation, grazing his wrist with dog piss. Cursing, he sets Freyda directly on the ground. The puppy sniffs the verboten environment excitedly while Vig collects himself.

His pocket vibrates: Vicki, probably. He doesn’t answer, busy positioning Freyda in the backpack once more. Another vibration: Vicki texting.

Babe where are you?

He waits a beat.

Groomers

Wasn’t she just there?

He looks at the message. Here it is. The long awaited moment. He moves his piece.

I’m inviting Billie to the party.

A very long pause. So long that Vig has time to consider whether or not to go back in and extend his invitation verbally, or to just go home. He sighs and rocks back and forth gently, a habit he’s picked up since carrying Freyda. He turns to look inside the shop’s glass front. From his vantage point, he can see all the way back to the small room where the dirty, smelly, and shaggy dogs of downtown Los Angeles are cleansed of their sins and made respectable again.

Then, he sees her. She’s hosing down a golden retriever in the huge stainless steel basin. Her back is to him, but her form is familiar. The smooth, strong line of her calves. The ponytail that swings as she works. His phone finally vibrates again.

The girl that clips Freyda’s nails?

Yes

A short pause.

Isn’t she like 25?

Vig doesn’t answer. He pictures Vicki on her couch, glass of wine in hand. The day’s makeup already washed clean from her cosmetically taut face. He stares at the words on his phone, at the number on the screen, as if it holds all the secrets to the universe. As if it can explain to him why his girlfriend cheated on him, why he decided to stay with her, or why he is here right now.

Freyda yips, jolting him out of his reverie. Love for the tiny being holstered against his heart floods through him. She is no doubt hot, thirsty, and confused by their lack of movement. He taps out his reply to Vicki.

Talk when we get home. On my way now.

Along the way, he tosses the crumpled up invitation into a trash bin.

Unburdened

I heard you wanted to tell me something, but you were too afraid to even think it. To think it would be to know it, and to know it would mean unknowing everything you thought you knew about yourself.

That’s okay, you don’t have to say it. It’s written in neon above both our heads. To me it’s a bright ribbon of truth. To you it’s a buzzing banner of shame that burns particularly hot at bedtime.

I heard your conscience went digging through conversations we didn’t have and found far too many things you should have said. I heard you ran like hell away from them, but once unearthed they stuck to you like burs. They must make it hard to run, and dance, and play.

I heard you enlisted an army of justifications to campaign for you—to go to war against the knowledge that you could have done better. It’s a ragtag army, full of weak excuses and paltry pretext. It won’t protect you.

I heard all of this in the places you don’t even speak—in the rooms you never enter. In the quiet moments of admitting to failure, to fear. In the intimate space between two dropped masks. Your absence there screamed at me again and again, telling me who you really are, until I had no choice but to believe it.

I doubt—even if you tried—that I could hear you now, over the noise of what you didn’t say, when you should have said it.

Sandcastle Man

Sandcastle Man lives at the sea, and will never live anywhere else. “The sea,” he mumbles to himself, his mind corroded by the salty air. “I am the sea and the sea is me. Sea me, see me. See me!”

Sandcastle Man has been hard at work. His face is puffy and red with the effort of trying to build something that matters. Crabs scurry by, accustomed to his messes. They’re temporary, after all. Gone by morning, one after the next.

A half-dead squid has washed ashore, and in a delirium of delusion, Sandcastle Man pulls it from the briny tangle of weeds at his feet. Its slick, grasping limbs thrill him, and he places it safely above the water line to watch him. “My little mermaid!” he declares. The squid grows limp and still.

Sandcastle Man digs and scoops and molds and smooths. Plastic buckets and shovels litter the beach, a testament to the sincerity of his conviction. But under his gnarled hands, all that takes shape are crumbling, wet lumps.

Finally finished, he whoops and dances and calls to the moon, who ignores him. “This one! This one this one this one!” Seagulls glance then glide on. The tide comes in for the kill.

Sandcastle Man lives at the sea, and will never live anywhere else.

Poesie the Changeling

Once upon a time there lived a changeling by the name of Poesie. Poesie seemed for all the world to be a regular girl leading an everyday life, with parents of ordinary means. Nobody knew she was a changeling or even suspected it, as she behaved just like other children her age.

As it happened though, Poesie was fairy-born. On the day she entered the world, a powerful witch had come to pay her respects to Poesie, as her birth had been foretold in the legends of the time. Legend held that a fairy child more magical than any that had ever lived was to be born that very day, and to bless her would ensure one’s good fortune.

Now, you’ll not be surprised to learn that the witch who came that day was only pretending to wish well upon the changeling. In her heart she was scheming and plotting, wondering how to capture and keep the infant sprite’s potent magic for herself. The witch decided that she’d have a much better chance at succeeding if she separated Poesie from her fairy family, and put her somewhere secret and safe until her magic matured.

So while all the magical beings were celebrating that night—the fairies and sprites and elves and other creatures you’ll never know about—the evil old witch crept into the briar where Poesie lay swaddled and sleeping, and quietly replaced her with a young fawn. Swiftly she carried the changeling off through the night, before her cries could give them away.

After a time, the witch came to a simple stone cottage at the edge of a clearing. Smoke curled from the chimney and an axe lay beside a stack of freshly cut wood. The witch leaned close over Poesie’s basket and cast the strongest spell she could, hoping to dampen her powerful fairy magic for as long as possible—until, she hoped, the time came for the witch to kill her and take it.

When the woodcutter and his wife found the basket, they were frightened at first. But soon the infant sprite’s magic enchanted them, and they agreed to keep her and raise her as their own. For ten years, all was good and peaceful with the little family. Poesie, who did not know of her birthright, grew up happy in the care of her human parents. She loved nothing more than to wander the very same woods she’d been stolen from, singing made-up songs to the birds and foxes and frogs she called friends.

Then one day, on Poesie’s eleventh birthday, the spell the witch had cast took hold. It was indeed a powerful spell, and one that from that day forward would cause the changeling many tears and much trouble. You see, the witch cast a spell such that everything Poesie touched would hurt her—or she would hurt it.

If she tried to pick blackberries, brambles would tear at her clothes and hair, and she’d come away with nothing.

If she drew the old wooden well bucket, splinters would find her fingers.

If she picked up a piece of crockery, soon there’d be shards on the ground.

If she moved to embrace her father, she’d step on his toes or snag his beard.

All of this was harmless enough, but as the years went on the spell grew stronger and more dangerous, and the accidents and mishaps worse, until Poesie no longer dared venture out of the cottage. This was a very sad time for the little changeling, who missed her forest friends but feared what might happen to them in her presence. Four years passed, and during that time Poesie wiled away her hours at the window, reading books and writing stories to entertain herself. And so while she could not go out into the world, the young changeling wandered far and wide in her own imagination.

On her fifteenth birthday, the latent magic the witch had been waiting for blossomed in the young changeling. She didn’t know it and couldn’t feel it, but all the magic of all the fairies she had descended from was blooming inside her. What’s more, this very special magic began to counteract the effects of the witch’s spell. Poesie noticed fewer and fewer mishaps befalling her until one day, she decided to go pick an apple—and nothing happened:

She walked carefully through the clearing, cringing at every twig snap, bracing for a tumble or twisted ankle. Nothing happened.

At the apple tree she hesitated, ready for the thunk! of fruit hitting her head. Nothing happened.

Finally, she reached up and plucked a perfect, rosy red apple. Eager for the treat but expecting the sting of a wasp or the bite of an ant, she paused, waiting. Nothing happened.

And so it was that the spell which had caused so much pain was finally broken.

Deep in the forest, the evil witch could feel the change. She lifted her crooked chin and sniffed in the direction of the little cottage. She knew the time had come to kill the changeling and take her magic, before she could fully grow into all her powers. Off she set through the woods, a dagger hidden in her cloak. The old witch smiled to think of how powerful she’d soon be.

Now, little is known about the fairy magic of old times. That’s because it didn’t want to be known and still doesn’t. But it’s said that nothing is more powerful than a fairy who has suffered like an ordinary human. Fairyfolk are born to lead whimsical, enchanted lives—that is the way of things. But a changeling placed in humble human hands learns things that their brethren do not, such as loss and pain and sacrifice. When Poesie was forced to give up the things she loved to keep them safe, another kind of strength carried her until the magic foretold in the legend returned. This was the power the witch faced, as she crept up on the darkened cottage.

No one knows the for sure what happened to the witch that night. Most say she was outmatched by Poesie the Changeling, and her dagger found a home in her own wicked heart instead. Others say Poesie spared the old witch, having no wish to cause pain ever again.

But everyone agrees it’s a very bad idea to try and steal the power of anyone, human or fairy. You never know where a creature gets its magic.

Les Deux Chanteuses

Once upon a time there lived two sisters—Prete the younger and Paresse the older—born to parents of modest means and gentle temperament. The sisters grew up the best of friends, always generous and kind toward one another in all things.

Though the sisters came from humble beginnings, they were quite extraordinary in one regard: their voices were exceptional, clear and bright as summer stars. Indeed, both girls could sing so beautifully that no nightingale would nest within a thousand fathoms, for envy.

All day long, the sisters would compose little songs which they sang to one another, and to their parents. Nothing gave them greater joy than to put their talent to such delightful use, and wistful were the travelers who heard such a happy home as they passed by.

Alas, the time came for the poor sisters to go out into the world and seek their fortunes. They had few possessions to pack, but their mother and father sent them off with enough food to start their journey and enough love to keep them warm forever.

At least that’s what they thought, those fairy-tale parents. You and I know that love can’t mend a sock, or fill a belly, or patch a leaky roof. Neither can music, for that matter. You and I know that in the real world, only firewood feeds the fire. So learned the two sisters, who all too soon found themselves with nothing but a hunger no song of theirs could soothe.

“Let us stop there,” cried Paresse, seeing candlelight in the window of an innkeeper. “Surely they’ll take pity on us, give us something to eat and beds for the night!”

The younger sister hesitated. “We’ve relied on the kindness of others too long already,” she said, thinking of their parents. “The village is close. We must go there, learn a useful trade, and earn our way properly.”

But the older sister was persistent, and she persuaded the younger girl to join her in begging at the inn.

“After we eat, we’ll treat them to one of our songs,” said Paresse. “They’ll be quite grateful, I’m sure.”

The sisters were met warmly by the innkeeper and his wife, who fed them well and then led them to a cozy attic to sleep. But when offered the gift of the sisters’ singing, the couple declined, tired from their long day’s work.

The next morning, the sisters continued on their way, refreshed and humming a cheerful tune. It wasn’t long before they came upon the village, bustling with shops and tradespeople of all sorts. There were tailors and seamstresses, bakers and cobblers, fruit-sellers and ironsmiths. There were maids and ladies-in-waiting on errands from their mistresses. All around were the trappings of commerce, and the sisters stared in wonder. Here was the world where they must make their fortunes, for better or for worse.

“Well,” said the younger sister bravely, “I suppose we should see what we can do!” And before her older sister could say a word, she grabbed her hand to pull her into the nearest shop.

As it happened, the sisters had stepped into the shop of an old tailor. He was a clever fellow, and had devised an ingenious way of getting more light into the little shop, with a roof that could be moved through a series of pulleys and levers. But even more fascinating was the tailor’s work itself. All around the sisters were bolts of fabric, jars of buttons, and plump pincushions stuck through with shiny silver needles. Wondrous, colorful things that were nevertheless hard to connect to the finished dresses and stately suits that hung throughout the shop.

“We’ve come to the village to learn a trade,” said the younger sister, offering the old tailor a deep curtsey. “Pray tell, good sir, what is the life of a tailor like?”

“Hmmm,” grumbled the old man. “The life of a tailor, you ask. Well, it’s stuck thumbs, for one. It’ll be years before you’re proper handy with the thimble. And your back will trouble you sorely, what with hunching over your work day in and day out. Oh and your eyesight will go, no doubt, from all the squinting at seams. And—”

“Enough!” cried the older sister, who pulled Prete back outside roughly. “Bloody fingers and blindness? Surely there must be something better!”

The two walked on a bit until they reached a pleasant little shack, ablaze with the light of a dozen ovens. The delicious scent of fresh bread came wafting through its open windows. Peering inside, the sisters could see a woman kneading dough. Her apron and arms were dusty with flour and her face was deeply flushed.

“Look, Paresse!” cried Prete. “A bakery! Wouldn’t it be lovely to make cakes all day? You’d never be hungry again!”

“Or cool,” shuddered Paresse. “Those ovens must be scorching! Sweating morning, noon, and night? What a dreadful life that must be!”

And so it went all day. As they walked through the village, Prete asked questions of the shopkeepers and tradeswomen, exploring their workshops and examining their wares. Everyone she met was eager for help, and she knew that she and Paresse had only to choose. But Paresse merely followed mutely, silently wishing she didn’t have to work at all.

“My dear sister,” said Prete gently, pulling Paresse under a nearby tree. “If I cannot convince you to join me in some apprenticeship, if nothing appeals to you, then I fear we must part ways. We promised Mother and Father that we would do our best, and I cannot beg another meal from the good innkeepers.”

“Oh, Prete,” wailed Paresse, finally confessing her true thoughts. “I wish we could have stayed children forever. I wish instead of stitching or cooking or cleaning we could just sing our pretty songs!” And with that, she collapsed in a tearful heap against the trunk of the tree. Her younger sister pulled her close, and for a time the two girls sat together, each lost in her own ideas and worries.

Now, it just so happened that at this very moment, perched in the tree above them was a sleek black crow. Only, the crow was really a witch who had disguised herself so she could come to the village and see what evil could be done. And when she heard Paresse, the witch knew exactly what that would be.

With a caw! caw! of wicked delight, she jumped from the tree into the bush, to hide her next transformation. When she stepped in front of the two sisters a moment later, they saw a woman with raven-black hair and a magnificent black velvet cloak. Her eyes glinted formidably, and the sisters felt compelled to bow before what they could only assume was a noblewoman.

“My dear,” said the witch, addressing Paresse. “I could not help but overhear you just then. Am I to understand you are great songstress? If so, that is a wonderful coincidence indeed, as I have been searching for just such a thing!”

At these words—indeed, at the very sight of this striking presence—Paresse was so shocked she couldn’t utter a word.

“Well…m’lady,” stammered Prete. “We….I…my sister…we’ve come to the village to—”

“Yes!” cried Paresse, having found her voice. “Yes, I am! I am indeed a songstress! I can sing song after song after song, as you wish. As can my sister! We can show you, if you like.”

The cunning witch suppressed a smile. “Is that so?” she asked, now addressing Prete. Prete nodded, though somewhat hesitantly.

“Well then, doubly lucky am I today. I shall take you both,” she declared matter-of-factly. “You shall sing songs for me every day, when and as I wish. Happy songs, sad songs—whatever I command, however many I command. Les deux chanteuses. ”

Beside her, Prete heard Paresse gasp. She, too, was amazed by what she heard. But young Prete was sensible, so she summoned the courage to be bold. “By your leave, good lady,” she replied, “could you kindly tell us more? Are you from the royal court? Does the king seek entertainment? Are we to live at the palace?”

The witch’s lip twitched ever so slightly. “No…” she began slowly. “It is not the king who requires music. Indeed it is of no consequence who does. You shall live by your songs, that is all that matters. Or perhaps…” and here she shifted her gaze meaningfully to Paresse. “Perhaps you would be happier in a scullery? Scrubbing pots and pans is good, honest work for girls such as yourselves…” The witch let her words trail heavily, with just a touch of scorn.

Paresse stepped forward. “No, m’lady. We…I—”

“How much?” Prete broke in. The terrible witch narrowed her dark eyes dangerously, but the young girl pressed on. “How much, for a song?”

“Oh, I shouldn’t wish to put a price on the beauty of music,” said the witch lightly, glancing away. “I only ask that you sing…” (and here she paused to look back at the sisters) “...all day. As I imagine you have done all your lives, no?”

Paresse nodded eagerly, but Prete remained silent.

“It is your very favorite thing in the whole world, is it not?” Again Paresse nodded. “Then how,” she smiled and spread her hands, “could you possibly ever grow tired of it?”

Prete and Paresse looked at one another, each thinking something very different.

“I will leave you now to consider, but I’ll return at midnight to this very spot. Should you wish to accept my offer, meet me here then.” And in a flash of black, she was gone.

Now, I’ve told you already how much the two sisters loved one another, how in all ways they were devoted to the other. And you’ve seen for yourselves a bit of each girl’s character and nature so far. So I’ve no need to tell you about the argument that ensued between them, and how the division in their hearts pained them both. Suffice to say they were of two wholly different minds by the time midnight approached.

At the appointed hour, the witch appeared, even more dazzling in the moonlight. The sisters embraced and bade one another farewell. And in an instant, Paresse and the black-hearted witch were gone.

Many years passed. Prete took up work with a kindly candlemaker, a trade that regularly brought her into the homes and shops of nearly everyone in the village. Every day she could be seen delivering her bundles of beeswax pillars and tallow tapers, always tied up neatly in paper and twine. As she walked she sometimes sang softly, both for her own amusement and to pass the time. However, it wasn’t long before the beauty of her voice betrayed her, and all the children in village were soon begging her for a little song or rhyme whenever she visited.

To the old tailor and his grandchildren she sang:

Tyrian satin and nimble fingers—
Un manteau mignon pour la reine des abeilles!
Careful now, not to break her stinger
Elle va percer vos petits oreilles


To the baker and her nieces she sang:

Je t’apporte le suif pour les pate brisees,
Je t’apporte le suif pour cuire a la nuit,
Plump berry tarts on copper trays,
Prickets and tinder to last for days

And so it was that Prete the candlemaker became known as Prete la Chanteuse, and her music filled the lives of the villagers with as much light as her candles.

One evening, Prete took a walk to the grove where she last saw her dear sister. She placed her palm upon the tree under which they sat that fateful day and sighed. Soon she fell to singing a beautiful but mournful tune. Her voice carried up into the branches above her, higher and higher until it met the ears of a bluejay at the very top.

The bluejay listened for a moment, then hopped down a branch, then listened some more, then hopped down closer. Lower and lower the bluejay went, drawn by the voice of Prete far below, until it was perched just above her. Prete went on singing for a time, then sighed once more and gathered herself to go.

“Wait!” cried a voice. “Don’t go, dear sister!” Prete whirled about, looking for a the speaker. She saw no one but the little bluejay in the tree. Prete looked around, bewildered, when suddenly the bluejay said: “Sweet Prete! It is I, Paresse, your older sister! Do not be afraid, for it is truly me. I live under the enchantment of the wicked witch we met that terrible day. I heard your voice high up in the trees just now and knew instantly that it was you! Oh, sister, I have missed you so!”

As you can imagine, there was then was a scene of great rejoicing, but also much amazement. Having greeted her younger sister, Paresse went on to tell the story of the spell under which she had lived so many years, beginning the very night the sisters parted. Ever since then, poor Paresse had been forced by the witch to sing all day and all night, endlessly. Every minute of every hour of every day, Paresse sang and sang and sang. Spellbound, she could do nothing else. She could not eat or drink or even leave the witch’s cottage in the woods.

Now, there are all sorts of evil in this world, and the witch’s was the kind that feasts on the pain of others. And since the music that Paresse sang was so full of sadness and longing and loneliness, it fed the witch’s wicked soul quite well. Soon she gave up all her other evil schemes, doing nothing but gorging herself on song. Eventually, the witch grew fat and round and stupid with laziness. Her sleek black hair became matted and her lush velvet cloak slowly tightened, becoming threadbare and dull.

When Paresse saw that the witch was weakening, she decided to try and trick her into letting her escape. Paresse begged her for just one day of freedom. “Oh, please let me go find new things to sing about! I can see that hearing the same songs over and over is making you thin and frail,” she lied. “Soon you will waste away to nothing and die!”

The witch, nearly witless from gluttony, agreed—but on one condition. Paresse could leave for one single day, but she must do so in the form of a bluejay. As such, no one would would be able to understand her if she tried to tell them about the enchantment. And come midnight, she must either fly back to the witch right away or die on the spot.

Hearing this, Paresse was heartbroken, thinking her chance of escape was gone. Still, she agreed to the terms, desperate to get away. As soon as she nodded yes, she felt the whoosh! of evil witch magic transforming her into a bluejay.

As fast as her wings would take her, she flew straight to the little village. There she hopped from window to window, seeking some sign of her sister. But Prete was busy about her candle deliveries, and though the little bluejay visited all the same places her younger sister went, always she missed Prete by a few minutes.

The day wore on, and the little bird grew hungry. But she knew just where to go: the baker’s, where she helped herself to a feast of crumbs swept out the back door. Night came on soon after that, and the cold made her little bones shiver. Again she knew just where to go: from the tailor’s scrap heap the pulled a length of silky ribbon and a strip of soft lace. With these she flew up to the highest branch in the tallest tree she could find. Here she set about making herself a cozy nest in which to spend her last precious hours before she must fly back to the evil witch.

Darkness came over the village, and one by one Paresse watched as each home and shop lit up with candlelight. Never had she seen a more peaceful sight, and her heart ached to think that somewhere in all that soft glow was her long lost little sister.

Of course, you know what happened next—for it was then that les deux chanteuses were so happily and wondrously reunited. Talking further, they decided it must be their close connection as sisters that allowed them to understand another despite the witch’s charm.

Paresse dropped her tiny feathered head sadly. “That means nothing now, though, for the hour approaches that I must fly back to the witch or die!” she cried, despairing.

“Take heart, dear sister!” replied Prete. “I have an idea. If sad songs are what the witch wants, then sad songs she shall have!” she declared. “But come, we must hurry. It is nearly midnight and I cannot fly as you can. You must lead the way!”

Off the sisters sped into the dark forest, Paresse darting deftly through the trees with Prete close behind. With just minutes to spare, they arrived at the witch’s cottage, cold and dark and cheerless. Instantly the little bluejay Paresse changed back into her human form, and the sisters embraced.

“Now sister, listen to me,” whispered Prete. “We are going to fatten the witch up until she cannot move at all. Then we shall kill her, break the spell, and make our escape.”

“But Prete,” said Paresse. “How can I possibly sing sad songs, now that we are together again? My heart is full of nothing but joy!”

“Don’t you worry about that,” Prete answered. “Just take care to sit by this window and leave everything to me.”

And with that, Paresse went back inside the hateful cottage. Immediately, the hungry old witch demanded music. Paresse did as Prete had instructed, and moved her chair close to the open window. Her heart pounded with excitement and the thought of escape. She stalled, trying to remember the hopelessness she felt just a day ago. But when she opened her mouth to sing, what filled the room was not her voice, but that of her little sister. And sing her little sister did. Prete sang and sang and sang, each song more heartbreaking than the last.

She sang about a young tailor losing his beloved wife, stitching bits of her clothing into a blanket for his bed.

She sang about a lonely breadmaker who poured her love into her loaves, when there was nothing else to love.

She sang about a poor old couple missing their daughters.

She sang about two sisters getting lost in the wood, and deciding to seek their way out on opposite paths.

Minute by minute, the witch grew fatter and fatter, her wicked soul gobbling up the sadness in Prete’s songs. She became so frenzied in her greed that she grew blind to everything else. She didn’t notice that it was Prete she heard singing, not Paresse. She didn’t see Paresse carefully climbing out the window to join her sister safe outside. And she didn’t see Prete pull a smooth yellow candle from out of her cloak, light it, and throw it in the cottage. The old witch didn’t see the two sisters pulling shut the window and trapping her inside, but surely she smelled the smoke of the flames before they burned her alive.

And surely the old witch heard the song the sisters sang as they ran away, hand in hand, the spell broken at last. Surely that happy song was the very last thing she ever heard.

The End

Ashore (Unfinished)

A great shipwreck. The black and foamy sea claims all lives except one: a young sailor. He clings desperately to a scrap of hull, the tempest tossing him this way and that. The man knows tonight he must surely drown or be torn apart by sharks—but hours pass and he somehow stays afloat.

Come morning, the streaky light of dawn reveals an incredible sight: he is close enough to land to swim ashore. But the reef is jagged and the current sucking him swiftly toward it. No doubt I have survived the storm only to be dashed upon these rocks, he thinks bitterly. Wave after wave pushes him closer to the razor-sharp reef. At the last moment, the sailor maneuvers the splintered hull into a shield, protecting himself from the jutting coral. The thrusting sea recedes, leaving him safely banked in the atoll. He can finally stand. The sailor picks his way carefully across the rocky shore, vines of seaweed twisting around his ankles.

The steps seem endless, though really it is less than a minute before he collapses on the sand, waterlogged and near-dead from exhaustion. The day passes while the man sleeps. Unbeknownst to him, hidden in the tall grass nearby, an ancient, mottled tortoise watches all of this unfold.

Dusk besets the island. Seagulls cry, returning to shore’s edge to spend the night. With the sun gone, a chill awakens the sailor. He blinks slowly back to life, then pulls himself painfully upright, feeling the cuts and bruises of his battered body. Hunger and thirst ring distant alarm bells, but first: the cold. It is coming on fast now, and he must find shelter.

Never before has the sailor been lost, much less on a deserted island. He has no idea how to fashion a suitable shelter for himself. All he can think to do is gather everything useful he can find, then see what he can make of it. The night passes in frustration—and fear—as he tries and fails, again and again, to coax palm fronds and fibrous strips of dead plants into the shape of a roof. The effort keeps him warm at least, though he does not realize it. All the while he works, thinking moonlight is his only companion, the man is unaware of the tortoise in the grass, still silently watching him.

It is morning before the sailor finally finds success. He devises a way to weave the wide palms together by degree of size, creating imbricate clusters sturdy enough to block wind—and, he hopes, rain if it comes. The labor has left him with too little energy to search for fresh water, which he knows he must do next. He crawls under his pile of soon-to-be roof tiles, thick enough to provide warmth. But as the man drifts toward sleep, his brow is furrowed in worry. How will I survive? Will rescue come? And if so, will it come soon enough? His stomach growls as if having the same thought. Mere hours past the ordeal of the shipwreck, past the circling sharks and the dangerous reef, the sailor thinks nothing of these obstacles now overcome. He fixates only on what he lacks, and dark thoughts carry him into dark dreams.

From the shadows, the wizened old tortoise watches.

Afternoon: clear blue sky, no ships on the horizon. Refreshed by sleep, the sailor rises with determination. He must find water immediately; his thirst is urgent. Inland, the rough brush tears at his legs. There is no path, no precedent set to ease his way. The island is unyielding and unforgiving, the going hard. Hopelessness besieges him, a surety that all is lost. I don’t know how to find water, the man thinks. And I will die for not knowing.

Eventually, the landscape changes, slowly clearing as the elevation rises. A vast mountain sits at the heart of the island. Water flows down, thinks the sailor. I’m on the right track. Pushing deeper into the valley, the man scans his surroundings as he goes. Suddenly, a bit of yellow catches his eye. A mango tree, flush with bulbs the color of sunshine. Gaping at this discovery, he suddenly freezes, listening. Water. He can hear the tell-tale musical tinkling of a stream. He follows the sound and quickly comes to it. Fresh, clear water trickles down a steep ravine the heights of which are hidden in wispy clouds. Food and water. He is saved. Despite his weakened state, the man yells in triumph.

Not far away—for the sailor has had to fight very hard to move very little—the tortoise on the shore hears his call.

After drinking his fill of the stream, the sailor makes a basket of his tattered shirt. Carrying as much as he can, he retraces his steps back to the beach camp. The ripe, juicy fruit nourishes his body, but as he eats the sailor thinks of nothing but the shelter still to be built—and the foreboding clouds in the distance. He’s no architect, and he knows it. Fastening some tree branches together is one thing, but how will I get this whole thing upright? Sourly, he tosses aside a piece of mango skin.

A small rustling sound in the grass behind him. A crab, he thinks. Then the rustling becomes the heavy crunching of a large animal flattening dead leaves. The sailor jumps and turns, and sees the sharp triangle of an open mouth reaching for the discarded mango. Before him, slowly chewing the fruit he has thrown, is the tortoise that he hasn’t known has been watching him since his luck-filled landing. Astonished, the sailor cautiously steps forward. The creature is bigger than anything he’s ever known like it. He stares as the tortoise chews, looking older than time itself. Deep, dry wrinkles crease and stretch as she swallows. The scaled stumps of her legs bend deeply, as with the weight of her many years. Across her broad back, thirteen scutes in a concentric pattern of moss green and gold. She is the history of the sea itself.

Having finished her bite of food, she begins to speak.

“What…don’t you…know…that you…can do?” The words move through her throat like rough stones. They roll to the feet of a man sure of his own madness. Two days on a deserted island and he’s lost his mind. That can be the only explanation.

“What…don’t….you know….that…you can do?” she repeats.

The sailor stammers. “I..I don’t understand. Who are you? What…I—”

“It is…easy…to…forget…what was…hard…to…achieve. Do not…forget. Do….not…forget.” The tortoise turned her heavy body, and before the sailor can process what’s happened, she is away and gone through the reedy grass.

The Watchmaker

The watchmaker's shop is tucked away in a six story building on Wabash, nestled among the old and new architecture of Jeweler's Row. A worker is hosing down the sidewalk, and the water steams, streaming across patches of noonday sun that filter through the rumbling steel network of the L above. In a lobby that hasn't enjoyed the attentions of an interior designer since the seventies, I find a security guard with sartorial taste to match the decor. He asks my destination, then tips his trilby in the direction of the elevators. 

"Fourth floor. Out to the left when you exit the elevator. End of the hall."

The shop is smaller than my studio apartment, but the front room manages to hold a deep burgundy leather sofa, a cluttered desk with a pair of chairs for customers, and an elevated work station covered with the spilled guts of various timepieces. As I walk up, the watchmaker is emerging from an inner room. He sees me smiling through the glass door, which I am unsure about opening without some kind of invitation. Pandemics change all the rules.

He pushes the door open, nodding toward the large white plastic doorbell mounted in plain sight. "There's a doorbell, you know."

"Yeah," I say dumbly, smiling harder. "Sorry."

We take up our positions across the desk from one another, and I hold out my wrist to show him the minimalist Danish watch I only just started wearing this year. Simple, featureless, with a plain white analog face and an embedded second hand dial. The band is a smooth black leather, thin but not daintily so.

"The thing came off. The little holder band."

He tilts his head back to peer through the lower half of his glasses, and I wonder how someone doomed to progressive lenses manages to perform such finely detailed work. 

"The keeper." He nods. 

"Is that what it's called? Yes. That. I lost my keeper." I glance at his face to gauge his sense of humor. Craftsmen fascinate me. Cobblers. Woodworkers. Tailors. Men who've devoted their lives, minds, and hands to the fixing, mending and rescuing of things we'd otherwise have to abandon. I find any excuse to bring them my broken, torn, overpriced material treasures. To befriend them and patronize their cozy, antiquated shops. To flirt and charm and invite their gentle mockery for overspending on cheaply made things. To be in the presence of patient, dedicated experts.

I can't see his expression, however. So instead I take in his Hawaiian print shirt, floppy blond surfer's hair, and tanned forearms. The framed certificates lining the wall above the sofa attest to an advanced education in horology, and I don't doubt him for a minute. But Chicago's foremost authority on Swiss watch repair looks for all the world like he just stepped off a Caribbean cruise ship.

"It's the floating keeper," he continues. "I'm pretty sure I have some extras around here somewhere..." While he rummages in a drawer I absorb the surround sound of gentle ticking that seems to come from every corner of the office. I scan the desk for the closest source and realize what I'm hearing aren't watches at all. Two plastic kinetic dancing toys - a hula dancer and a flying pig - wiggle underneath the green umbrella of a banker's lamp, softly clicking as they waggle and wave. The watchmaker empties a plastic freezer bag full of broken watch bands onto the desktop.

"Wow," I say. "It's like harvesting organs." This wins me a toothy, yellow grin. The assortment looks promising at first; I see plenty of black among the mix of colors. But as he picks through the lot, he rejects one after another for being the wrong size. Mine is apparently the Goldilocks of the watch world. This keeper is too big. This keeper is too small. Eventually, he finds a keeper that is just right...sort of. It's black, and the perfect width. But it's crocodile skin. 

I balk. The watchmaker waits. 

"What's the alternative? A totally new band?" He nods. That's exactly the alternative.

"Okay," I say slowly. "Let's do it. But if my OCD gets to be too much and I hate it, how much for a new band?"

"I have bands exactly like yours for, oh, twenty-five bucks?"

He takes my watch and the detached limb of the transplant watch and turns to his work station, switching on the lighted ring of the jeweler's lamp. Finally, I think, excited to see him in action. But a moment later, the jangling of the door opening behind me pulls my attention away. An older couple tentatively steps in, taking seats on the sofa at the watchmaker's direction. When I turn back, he hands over my repaired watch. The deed is already done. It took him less than ten seconds.

"Amazing," I say. "How much?" But he just shakes his head, signaling with a dismissive wave of his hand that he's not going to charge me.

"Oh no, please let me pay you for your time..." I look around his desk for some kind of credit card reader, but there's only a small calculator and an invoice form pad. "Then can I at least buy you a cup of coffee?" I feel uncomfortable that the couple behind me is overhearing this generosity. I'm afraid, somehow, that they'll use it against him when it comes time to settle their own bill.

But he just holds up his hands, feigning palsy, finally sending back a joke of his own. "Too much caffeine. Can't have a watchmaker with the jitters, you know." He winks.

I pull a business card from the holder on his desk and brandish it meaningfully. "Yelp review," I promise. "If that sort of thing helps you?"

"It does help," he replies. The couple who've been waiting are already moving into the chairs I've just vacated. 

The security guard hails me on my way out. "Find it okay?" I triumphantly hold up my wrist in response. 

Back on the muggy sidewalk, I step into the sun to examine the tiny loop of embossed leather I've just been gifted. It's terribly ugly, and though it does fit the band, it's noticeably larger than its sister half an inch away. But it's okay. In fact, it's a good lesson in embracing imperfection, in detaching from expectation and desire. I'm going to keep my orphan, mismatched, crocodile skin floating keeper until it falls off. And when it does, I know where to go for a new band.